


Visits

by Jheen (PK_preservation_project)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12993708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PK_preservation_project/pseuds/Jheen
Summary: Tom muses on his relationship with B'Elanna and Harry. Takes place right after Lineage.





	Visits

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Leigh, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [P/K All the Way](https://fanlore.org/wiki/P/K_All_the_Way) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [P/K All the Way’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/pkalltheway/profile).
> 
> ====
> 
> [This story was originally posted 10 Feb 2001]
> 
> Archive: Sure, just email me and let me know where!
> 
> Disclaimer: It is my deepest regret that they don't belong to me, instead they belong to Paramount. They don't treat them right though, so I have to show them how. However, I don't make any money off it.
> 
> Author's Notes: Thanks to Anita and Stacy for their help and the PKElite list for encouraging me. All you guys are wonderful!
> 
> Also, this is my very first fan fiction, so please be plenty cruel. I want to know what I need to do so I can get better at this.

\---

I didn't like lying to B'Elanna today when I promised to never leave her. It was a relatively safe lie, all things considered. I know I would leave her in a heartbeat if he would only give me a chance. However, he seems content with what we have now, so I can't say anything.

It used to hurt me, the secrecy or how he only came to me when he needed reassurance. How he never let me say anything. The times he threw B'Elanna and I together, encouraging her to stay with me no matter what I did to drive her away. He just never seemed to understand that it wasn't her I really wanted.

I remember when it all started; it's really my fault. I shouldn't have kissed him. He was sitting there crying all over my shoulder about how he almost lost me and that he only got back because of me. I just meant it as a way to shut him up, mainly. The last thing I expected was for him to return the kiss or for it to end up in bed. But we did.

I figured I would just chalk it up to a one-night stand. I mean why would someone with that bright of a future want to mess it up with me? I didn't talk to him about it the next day. I didn't want to embarrass him anymore than he already was. Maybe that was a mistake. I wish I knew.

Except he showed up on my doorstep a few weeks later. Without saying a word, he came in and looked at me. It was a gaze filled with doubt, fear, and pleading. I remember opening my mouth to say something, but he put his hand over it to stop my words. He then wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me, the sweetest, gentlest kiss I've ever had. I would have done anything for him right then, if only to have him continue to kiss me.

It became a pattern, he would just randomly come to my quarters every couple of weeks and we would end up sleeping together. Nothing was ever said; it was how he wanted. Sometimes he would cry and I would hold him, soothing him with my kisses and my touch. I never knew what else to do.

I only started chasing B'Elanna because of the looks Harry and I were starting to get. I always knew what the crew was thinking a lot better than the rest of the senior officers; the Delaney sisters did have some uses beyond the obvious. So I thought to take the heat off of him, by going after the one female beside the captain I was sure not to get. Except I did get her.

Looking back, our on then off again relationship was great. She had a wonderful sense of humor, she knew how to enjoy life, and she was pretty low maintenance. Give her a warp coil to love and she's happy. If it weren't for him, I probably would have fallen deeply in love with her. I was spoiled for anyone else.

Instead, I tried to come up with ways to make her stop loving me since I couldn't ever love her in return. She hated being part Klingon, so I encouraged that side. I ignored her, took her for granted, tried to be the pig she used to call me. Except I had an entire ship against my efforts. They would tell her about how I was bad with relationships, how they could see that I loved her. That if she would just give me time, I'll get better.

He still came to me at night, even as he worked to keep B'Elanna and I together during the day. I was surprised and confused, at first. I didn't want to question it though. It was enough that he still visited me. As the years went by and it kept happening, I grew angry and hurt. Was I only good to have sex with? Everything I had, all that was me, I gave him.

I even married B'Elanna for him, just not quite the reason he would think. There she was finally talking about us breaking up. I should have just run with it, agreed that we weren't good together. Except all I could think about was how he kept pushing me towards her. If this was what he wanted for me, then so be it. I was hoping, even knowing it was a lost cause, that maybe the thought of losing me permanently would make him take a stand. It didn't happen, and instead I married the girl who loved me because the guy I love wanted me to.

For a while there, I thought the marriage would end things. He couldn't just show up at my quarters when I was permanently sharing them with her. A few weeks afterwards however, I saw that pinched look on his face that used to tell me when he would be showing up. I didn't do anything for a few days, wanting to make him suffer for all the pain I've been through over the past couple years.

In the long run, I couldn't keep doing that. Even with all my pain, I didn't want to see him hurt. So, one night I told B'Elanna that I needed to talk to Harry for a while and not to wait up for me. I then walked down to his room and rang the chime. When he answered and saw who was standing there, he had the same look that he had when he came to my room all those years ago. I knew that as wrong as it was for me to be there, it was so very right.

I go to him now, even when B'Elanna is away on a mission. I've learned to read his body language so I won't show up when I'm not wanted. I have about as much of a clue as to why this is happening as I did at the beginning, but I love him too much to ask him. I don't want to lose him; the stolen hours in his arms are all that's keeping me sane sometimes.

I'm scared that the day will come that he won't need me anymore. I don't know what I'll do. Maybe by that point I'll have a miracle cure for a permanently broken heart. Or at least a way to live my life without him without breaking down. Until then, I'll just have to be happy with what I have and pray that he'll never stop wanting me.

\---

End


End file.
